My brother said something recently and I have so much as made it excruciatingly clear.
My kids whom I have been separate from for 18 years now are off the table.
My brother makes some extraordinary and completely outrageous claims, asked me during a very heated argument how they were doing. The only time people do that during any, kind of heated argument is as a subliminal threat. I asked him if he was threatening my children. He continued to postulate that he did not know what I was talking about, while maintaining some very outrageous accusations. I have determined that instead of coming to closure, he is really out on a get even no matter the lie kick.
After failing to cause me to cow before his pathetic attempt, I believed at first glance that he was resorting to threatening my children.
I then told my sister, my wife, and my mother, who is in a nursing home recuperating from a broken leg she sustained while in the local, Muskogee General Hospital that if Alan threatens my children "I will kill him".
He must first threaten my children. He does that, there is no force on earth that can prevent me from orchestrating his demise.
As to why I do not have anything to do with my children is simple. Neither my children nor I can afford to keep in contact. I do not require that they keep in touch. My daughter recently got married but told me she was going to ask my son to walk her down the isle. Her statement to me was that since I left them and was so far away and had not really been a parent to her nor really her dad that it would have be AL her step dad, but that she did not like her step dad so she wanted her brother to do it. She then made a really big fopa. She told me I "was" going o be there. I could not afford to be there in the first place but would have incurred the cost for sure if I was to walk her down the isle, however the double insult of not and then being told I had to was one insult from my daughter too much. I did not go to the wedding for three reasons.
1) I could not afford it
2) In a normal tradition of walking my daughter down the isle I was not wanted
3) Being ordered to by my daughter does not fly
My daughter and son have visited me in Ga. My current wife was witness to one of those 2 day visits. I asked my wife yesterday if she thought there was a previous abuse tension between me and my daughter, she said "no", "you could tell love each other".
There might be today since I didn't go to the wedding, but then today that is to be expected, at least I would. I would be happy if there wasn't, but I still would not hold it against her if there was. EVER!
I still love my daughter and in my tradition of 'my family is to be left alone and I will 'deal them as I see fit', I reiterate, I decide to not punish her at any level at all. Why? Because that is the way I am. People make there own choices. I am cool with that. I have always been cool with that and will always be cool with that. If you ask me where that leads and I think about it I would probably get mad because in the end peoples decisions might affect me. But the decisions you make are yours and the decisions I make are mine.
The only hope we have is to hope that what we do effects people positively. The bread we have cast upon the water may it be good because whatever seed we plant will grow no matter if we change our mind later or not. Fortunately the seed that I have planted has grown much good and unfortunately the wild seed I planted as a child has also grown and as a person ages, begins the lament of old men. The seed that Al planted though in it's totality is killing him and he can't but consider that he made the choice to plant what he planted. I say again. He did it and is not but his own fault. I will not partake of his folly.
Al I disown; Al and will say this day. Alan Raymond Erkkila is dead to me, I will not claim him as family and leave him open to any and all troubles that may come to one of his ilk. He is a betrayer of mankind and not to be blessed.
The Al's smart, but wisdom escapes him. He is sneaky and conniving, and has for most of his life been seeking ways to disrupt my life. He has succeeded to date only because I could not tell precisely whom the interference was being derived from. Now I know.
He has practiced deceit for at least 39 years and become a master of covertly messing with people. His main defense has been remaining unseen and unknown and has depended completely upon obfuscation and denial. He had my family so completely fooled into believing that he was completely normal, until he quit drinking and began AA counseling. Since then he, has; from constant pressure, begun to admit his failings and yet due to his upbringing is falling into a habit of seeking out enablers. People who will feel sorry for him, so he does not feel like he has, to accept responsibility for his own choices and actions whats so ever. At that time after he published his own admission that he was a godless atheist. I printed out his confession and showed it to our mother and the rest of our family here in OK, so that they could, pray for him and, so that they could know how he has deceived them into thinking he was one of them. The effort I believe on his part was to try and maintain the; curious to me, estrangement between me and the rest of my family. He is acting like a woman scorned.
But he is exposed for what he is to me, and shown to me that not only has he stepped over the line but he dwells over the line and made a hovel out of it, has built a fire that consumes him literally.
I have a concern that he may have become the monster that every effort; apparently known to man, was trying to be painted of me.
He is insidious in that he does tend to say things that can be taken two ways. Badly or other wise. Leaving him open to say; no, that is a misunderstanding. I meant this. He unfortunately finds himself in very few places where he can celebrate his victories. It is probably making him worse.
He has to chose truth, honesty, and integrity or maintain his course until it destroys his mind completely.
None of that concerns me so much as the ideal that he leave my children out of his machinations.
If he does not I will do to him as he has done to me. If he does directly and openly threaten them and I find out about it, well, that is a curse that no amount of prayer can overcome. I would not going to wait for him to maybe carry out his act. I would have to consider him a phycho and take matters into my own hands.
There is no more 'either you get him under control or else'. It past that point.
I don't know how long I will leave this post up or if I will post it at all for general public viewing but I can say I did write about it.
I have noticed an increase in joy, happiness, and peace from my family and those around me. It is unexplainable, perhaps you would say just a coincidence. I say it is because I am now attacking Al's position directly. He is finding himself and his spirit more and more on the defensive and that is not a position of expertise for him. He has been on the offensive for all of his life. I dare say openly, if peace settles in on a broader scale then I am definitely on the right track. I will remain on the offensive until I can declare victory. It is a spiritual battle right now. I will win this spiritual fight or die trying.
The sin is not in failing, the sin is in not trying.
This article could maybe use some smoothing out but on the other hand I like the jagged edge it provides. I t is cutting not razor sharp but the far more painful tearing type of cut. I like that.